Note: This is what happens when a person wakes up at 3:00AM and can’t fall back asleep.
Floating…that is the word I thought of recently when I was thinking about my life and the direction I am going. I am one of those people who likes stability. I am not a huge fan of change unless I am controlling the change. I’ve always been certain about the things I wanted to do and for the past couple of years that certainty has been on a vacation. Whenever interviewing for jobs, I was asked “What do you want to do with your life?” and my honest reaction was “I have no idea.” Of course, I said it better than that, I am not crazy…well THAT crazy, but that not knowing what direction to go in is unusual for me.
I recently started a new job, which is amazing in so many different ways. I was in my previous job for 5 years, which was my first job out of college, and I was absolutely miserable for 3 of those years. I had been trying to leave for a while and, after 1 year of looking for a new job, I FINALLY got one. Relief just washed over me when I was offered the position and strangely enough, the fact that I have no idea what I want to do with my life was appealing to them (of course, they said it better than that, but basically that was the idea.) It’s a definite switch from what I used to do. I went from Entertainment to Higher Education, but I work in the Theater, Film & Television department so I can still have some semblance of being in the know. I hated my old job and certain aspects of the industry, but I still love the area as a whole so it’s nice to have some connection to it.
Oddly enough, although I like my current job, I already know I won’t be there for the long-term. This job will give me the skills to move forward so I am happy to be there. And in my two months of being there, I have already gotten free tickets to a play and will be able to go to a bunch of screenings for free which is in direct contrast with my old job where I went to a couple premieres and two plays over a span of five years. Not everything in my old job was bad and I miss certain things about it, but this job gives me hope for the future which is what I need. While I may not be there for the long-term, in the short-term, I think it will benefit me and allow me to go forward, which is what I didn’t have in my previous position. Now what I will be going forward to, I have no idea, but the world slowly seems to be opening up. The not knowing what I will be doing freaks me out, but I am trying to take it one day at a time. I think once I break out of these bad habits that I have acquired in the past few years and get myself together, I will have more of an idea of where I am going.
In a couple of weeks, I will be turning 27 and will be officially entering my late 20’s. It’s nerve-wracking to be closing in on 30 and be so unsure of what I want to do, but better now than later. I’m still young so I have some time to figure it out and it’s good to know that many other twenty-something’s are where I am at. There is comfort in the collective.
So for the moment, I am trying to embrace this idea of floating instead of fighting against it. Seeing the positive in it instead of the negative, which has always been difficult for me. Who knows? Maybe floating will bring me to where I want to be.